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Excerpts from My Book!
(Table of Contents)
CHAPTER 2: BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY WITH “THE FAMILY”
CHAPTER 8: GOOD NIGHT, CHARLOTTE
CHAPTER 9: OUR DAUGHTER AMANDA
(Table of Contents)
CHAPTER 2: BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY WITH “THE FAMILY”
- The Mailman - “I just love your Postcards”
- The Salty Potatoes - “Dishes anyone?”
- My Grandmother - “A Special Lady”
- Routines - “Do It Today…Or Die!”
- Grandma Wayman “Her view of Television”
- My Grandfather -“Play the Cards Fair!”
- Parents -“Can They Follow Directions?”
- Drugs in Benton - “My Mom in the Middle”
CHAPTER 8: GOOD NIGHT, CHARLOTTE
- My Wife - “The Domestic Manager”
- Taking Responsibility - “Whose Fault is It?”
- Women’s Magazine - “Dangerous Writings!”
- The Cat and the Wife - “My Two Girls”
- Dating the Wife - “Change of Taste!”
- Leaving the Wife on a Jet Plane - “Well, just in case!”
CHAPTER 9: OUR DAUGHTER AMANDA
- The Pregnancy - “The Baby!”
- Amanda - “The First Year!”
- Amanda - “The Terrible Twos!”
- Amanda Quotes at age Three - “Say What?”
- Amanda at Age Four - “Big Girl Yet?”
WHILE YOU DO YOUR BUSINESS, Pages 181-185
Amanda at Age Four - “Big Girl Yet?”
Here are additional quotes from the journal we keep on Amanda. It is amazing how much wisdom, humor and
common sense she had at age four.
Here are her quotes:
We try to teach Amanda about the Lord Jesus Christ. Charlotte is very good at reading to her Bible stories
before she goes to bed. Amanda often comes up with really good advice. One day she had this little bit of
wisdom to say to her mom: “When Daddy said don’t go outside, you don’t do it. Jesus said don’t hit your parents
or you will be locked up in jail forever and ever. I’m trying to teach you that Mommy!”
One day around Christmas we saw a deer in the park near our home. Amanda didn’t miss anything. She asked
with big excited eyes, “Daddy, does Santa live there?”
Another day, out of the blue, she had this to say: “Jesus will give you a prize for being good all day.”
Amanda shared this little bit of wisdom with us one day: “God says listen to Mom and do what Dad says. That’s
the rule.” I only wished my wife would believe the last part.
One morning we were having pancakes for breakfast. It was one of Charlotte’s good days and the pancakes
actually were edible. Amanda said, “Can I mail a pancake to Grandma?”
Looking at a cute guy on TV, Amanda said, “I can’t marry him. He lives on TV and I don’t know where that is.”
It is funny how kids get full and won’t finish their meals, but they always have room for other things. One day she
said, “My tummy is full, but not too full for desert!”
Charlotte wanted some good night kisses. Amanda told her, “Daddy took all of my kisses. I only have one left to
give to you.”
The day after we read the Christmas Story to Amanda, she had this to say: “Mommy, Jesus is alive. The angel
took the rock away and his mom was so happy.”
We moved to a new house in 2004. Out of the blue, Amanda told us, “We live in a white house like George Bush.”
We have some raspberry bushes and Amanda just loves to eat the raspberries. She had this to say about it: “Do
raspberries grow in summer because they like summer? Does corn grow because it likes summer?”
I asked her to record some sayings for my web site. I gave her the microphone and she came up with this:
“Always say please and thank you. Walk and don’t run except if you’re in the gym or outside.”
Trying to convince Amanda to eat her broccoli, Charlotte tried to rely on one of Amanda’s favorite’s cartoon
characters. “Dora eats broccoli,” Charlotte said. “Let Dora have my broccoli then,” replied Amanda.
My girl is so modest. “I can’t help but be cute. Jesus made my hair and body this way.”
When Amanda wouldn’t wear a t-shirt her mother bought her, Charlotte said, “My heart is broken!” Amanda was
too smart to buy that. She replied, “If your heart were really broken, you would be sick and throw up!”
When our cat Mercedes died, Amanda said, “Mercedes is in Kitty Heaven and Grandpa is in Grandpa Heaven.”
When we went to the Lincoln Presidential Museum grand opening in Springfield Illinois, we saw a Lincoln
impersonator. Amanda went up to him an asked him, “What is your name?” He replied, “I’m Abraham Lincoln.”
Amanda then replied in a non-believing tone, “My daddy told me Abraham Lincoln was dead!”
This is one of my favorites. “How did God paint the sky?” Amanda asked. “Did He have a ladder?”
”Mommy, I could make the house look really pretty if I had a magic wand.”
“Mommy, how many kitties do cats have when they get married?”
“Did Jesus get wine from there?” Amanda asked as we drove passed a liquor store. Charlotte had read her the
story a few days earlier on how Jesus turned water into wine.
One day I got Amanda a kite and she had a good time trying to fly it. Later she had this to say: “A kite will take
you up to the moon, but you will have to have a long string.”
One day I was upset and raised my voice at Charlotte. Amanda told me this: “Don’t yell as Jesus. If you do, you’
re to tell Jesus that you’re sorry for your sins.”
Amanda was sitting in my lap. She asked me how old she would be on her birthday. I said five. She then asked
how old the following year. I said 6. I told her that it was like counting it would increase by one each birthday.
She then asked, “When I’m six will I be big?” I said, “Yes, you will be a big girl.” She then replied, “Will I be big
enough to get my driver’s license?”
When Mommy was upset over something that happened at work, Amanda said, “Mommy, don’t think about work.
Think about rainbows and Jesus and other good things.” What good advice.
“Mommy, when can I have a brother?” Charlotte said, “I’m too old to have another baby!” Amanda then asked,
“Can I have a baby?” “When you are older and get married,” Charlotte replied. Amanda then said, “Can I marry
Daddy? He is so sweet and precious. He makes my heart true.” (No I did not coach her to say that!)
In 2005 we decided to host a foreign exchange student. When we explained this to Amanda, she said, “I’ve been
praying to Jesus for a brother and He answered me.”
*********************************************************************************************************************
Dating the Wife - “Change of Taste!”
Pages 167-169
Isn’t it interesting that when you’re not paying for something yourself, your tastes change? When I was dating
Charlotte, her taste in food was very interesting. I can explain it in one word, “expensive!” Every time we went out
for dinner, she would order the most expensive thing on the menu. She ordered wine with her meal so often, I
was getting to wonder if she was an alcoholic. And she would even order deserts. You should have seen the
amount on some of the checks!
I just couldn’t afford to take her out very much. In fact, I found myself taking her out for dinner less and having
her over to my house for dinner more. Most of our dates involved her watching TV at my house, because I was
always broke.
She even had the nerve to brag to me about all the money she was saving since she was dating me. She told me
that she had purchased several Certificates of Deposit with part of her savings. I understood how she could save
so much money, because I was paying for everything! I was broke and she had all of this extra cash.
One day she told me she felt bad about me paying for all the meals, so she invited me over her house for dinner.
She’s not known for her cooking, so this was rare. After the dinner had cooked for a while, I suddenly saw smoke
coming from the oven. “What’s that burning?” I asked. She rushed to the oven and the entire meal was ruined.
It had burnt to a crisp. (After we married, this scene would repeat itself several more times.)
Since the dinner was history, Charlotte then suggested that we order pizza. We called the order in to a local
restaurant. When the pizza was delivered, she acted like she couldn’t find her purse to pay for the pizza. I was
forced to pay for the dinner! Here I was, invited over to her house because she wanted to pay me back for all the
dinners I had purchased for her. How does it end up? I had to pay after all! (You know, she never volunteered
to pay me back either.)
Where is it written that the male has to pay for all the dates? I never understood that, or believed in it. I believe it
must have started years ago when the women didn’t work, but stayed at home waiting for their dates. Can
someone tell the ladies today that times have changed? Women today work! And, since women work, why can’t
they help pay for dates! With equal rights for women and with women making big bucks, it’s time for the men in
this country to stand up and make a change!
One day at dinner, I asked Charlotte what she usually ordered on the menu when she was by herself. She even
had the nerve to admit that she usually ordered the least expensive item on the menu! So, with that, I made up
my mind; I had to take a stand. After six months of dating, I told Charlotte that I felt it was time that she start
helping pay for some of our dinners. This, may I say, did not go well with my girlfriend. She first went through the
“you don’t love me stage.” I was the evil, unloving boyfriend. However, I was determined to stick to my guns.
I found it interesting that I saw a big change in her eating habits. Now, she had a craving for much cheaper items
on the menu. She gave up drinking wine with her meals and had a sudden craving for water with lemon. And, the
least expensive item now was much more filling, because she no longer had room for desert.
MANY MORE FUNNY STORIES ABOUT MY FAMILY IN THE BOOK!
Amanda at Age Four - “Big Girl Yet?”
Here are additional quotes from the journal we keep on Amanda. It is amazing how much wisdom, humor and
common sense she had at age four.
Here are her quotes:
We try to teach Amanda about the Lord Jesus Christ. Charlotte is very good at reading to her Bible stories
before she goes to bed. Amanda often comes up with really good advice. One day she had this little bit of
wisdom to say to her mom: “When Daddy said don’t go outside, you don’t do it. Jesus said don’t hit your parents
or you will be locked up in jail forever and ever. I’m trying to teach you that Mommy!”
One day around Christmas we saw a deer in the park near our home. Amanda didn’t miss anything. She asked
with big excited eyes, “Daddy, does Santa live there?”
Another day, out of the blue, she had this to say: “Jesus will give you a prize for being good all day.”
Amanda shared this little bit of wisdom with us one day: “God says listen to Mom and do what Dad says. That’s
the rule.” I only wished my wife would believe the last part.
One morning we were having pancakes for breakfast. It was one of Charlotte’s good days and the pancakes
actually were edible. Amanda said, “Can I mail a pancake to Grandma?”
Looking at a cute guy on TV, Amanda said, “I can’t marry him. He lives on TV and I don’t know where that is.”
It is funny how kids get full and won’t finish their meals, but they always have room for other things. One day she
said, “My tummy is full, but not too full for desert!”
Charlotte wanted some good night kisses. Amanda told her, “Daddy took all of my kisses. I only have one left to
give to you.”
The day after we read the Christmas Story to Amanda, she had this to say: “Mommy, Jesus is alive. The angel
took the rock away and his mom was so happy.”
We moved to a new house in 2004. Out of the blue, Amanda told us, “We live in a white house like George Bush.”
We have some raspberry bushes and Amanda just loves to eat the raspberries. She had this to say about it: “Do
raspberries grow in summer because they like summer? Does corn grow because it likes summer?”
I asked her to record some sayings for my web site. I gave her the microphone and she came up with this:
“Always say please and thank you. Walk and don’t run except if you’re in the gym or outside.”
Trying to convince Amanda to eat her broccoli, Charlotte tried to rely on one of Amanda’s favorite’s cartoon
characters. “Dora eats broccoli,” Charlotte said. “Let Dora have my broccoli then,” replied Amanda.
My girl is so modest. “I can’t help but be cute. Jesus made my hair and body this way.”
When Amanda wouldn’t wear a t-shirt her mother bought her, Charlotte said, “My heart is broken!” Amanda was
too smart to buy that. She replied, “If your heart were really broken, you would be sick and throw up!”
When our cat Mercedes died, Amanda said, “Mercedes is in Kitty Heaven and Grandpa is in Grandpa Heaven.”
When we went to the Lincoln Presidential Museum grand opening in Springfield Illinois, we saw a Lincoln
impersonator. Amanda went up to him an asked him, “What is your name?” He replied, “I’m Abraham Lincoln.”
Amanda then replied in a non-believing tone, “My daddy told me Abraham Lincoln was dead!”
This is one of my favorites. “How did God paint the sky?” Amanda asked. “Did He have a ladder?”
”Mommy, I could make the house look really pretty if I had a magic wand.”
“Mommy, how many kitties do cats have when they get married?”
“Did Jesus get wine from there?” Amanda asked as we drove passed a liquor store. Charlotte had read her the
story a few days earlier on how Jesus turned water into wine.
One day I got Amanda a kite and she had a good time trying to fly it. Later she had this to say: “A kite will take
you up to the moon, but you will have to have a long string.”
One day I was upset and raised my voice at Charlotte. Amanda told me this: “Don’t yell as Jesus. If you do, you’
re to tell Jesus that you’re sorry for your sins.”
Amanda was sitting in my lap. She asked me how old she would be on her birthday. I said five. She then asked
how old the following year. I said 6. I told her that it was like counting it would increase by one each birthday.
She then asked, “When I’m six will I be big?” I said, “Yes, you will be a big girl.” She then replied, “Will I be big
enough to get my driver’s license?”
When Mommy was upset over something that happened at work, Amanda said, “Mommy, don’t think about work.
Think about rainbows and Jesus and other good things.” What good advice.
“Mommy, when can I have a brother?” Charlotte said, “I’m too old to have another baby!” Amanda then asked,
“Can I have a baby?” “When you are older and get married,” Charlotte replied. Amanda then said, “Can I marry
Daddy? He is so sweet and precious. He makes my heart true.” (No I did not coach her to say that!)
In 2005 we decided to host a foreign exchange student. When we explained this to Amanda, she said, “I’ve been
praying to Jesus for a brother and He answered me.”
*********************************************************************************************************************
Dating the Wife - “Change of Taste!”
Pages 167-169
Isn’t it interesting that when you’re not paying for something yourself, your tastes change? When I was dating
Charlotte, her taste in food was very interesting. I can explain it in one word, “expensive!” Every time we went out
for dinner, she would order the most expensive thing on the menu. She ordered wine with her meal so often, I
was getting to wonder if she was an alcoholic. And she would even order deserts. You should have seen the
amount on some of the checks!
I just couldn’t afford to take her out very much. In fact, I found myself taking her out for dinner less and having
her over to my house for dinner more. Most of our dates involved her watching TV at my house, because I was
always broke.
She even had the nerve to brag to me about all the money she was saving since she was dating me. She told me
that she had purchased several Certificates of Deposit with part of her savings. I understood how she could save
so much money, because I was paying for everything! I was broke and she had all of this extra cash.
One day she told me she felt bad about me paying for all the meals, so she invited me over her house for dinner.
She’s not known for her cooking, so this was rare. After the dinner had cooked for a while, I suddenly saw smoke
coming from the oven. “What’s that burning?” I asked. She rushed to the oven and the entire meal was ruined.
It had burnt to a crisp. (After we married, this scene would repeat itself several more times.)
Since the dinner was history, Charlotte then suggested that we order pizza. We called the order in to a local
restaurant. When the pizza was delivered, she acted like she couldn’t find her purse to pay for the pizza. I was
forced to pay for the dinner! Here I was, invited over to her house because she wanted to pay me back for all the
dinners I had purchased for her. How does it end up? I had to pay after all! (You know, she never volunteered
to pay me back either.)
Where is it written that the male has to pay for all the dates? I never understood that, or believed in it. I believe it
must have started years ago when the women didn’t work, but stayed at home waiting for their dates. Can
someone tell the ladies today that times have changed? Women today work! And, since women work, why can’t
they help pay for dates! With equal rights for women and with women making big bucks, it’s time for the men in
this country to stand up and make a change!
One day at dinner, I asked Charlotte what she usually ordered on the menu when she was by herself. She even
had the nerve to admit that she usually ordered the least expensive item on the menu! So, with that, I made up
my mind; I had to take a stand. After six months of dating, I told Charlotte that I felt it was time that she start
helping pay for some of our dinners. This, may I say, did not go well with my girlfriend. She first went through the
“you don’t love me stage.” I was the evil, unloving boyfriend. However, I was determined to stick to my guns.
I found it interesting that I saw a big change in her eating habits. Now, she had a craving for much cheaper items
on the menu. She gave up drinking wine with her meals and had a sudden craving for water with lemon. And, the
least expensive item now was much more filling, because she no longer had room for desert.
MANY MORE FUNNY STORIES ABOUT MY FAMILY IN THE BOOK!
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